You Can’t Spell “Scorpion stings all over would be preferable to this POS” without “Scorpio”

1989 Merkur Scorpio
Worst Marquis Ever

This is obviously a photoshop.  Seriously.  A “Merkur” (nee German Ford) Scorpio that:

  • is not rusted out
  • appears to have arrived under its own “power”
  • has more than the owner looking at it – no one’s laughing and pointing; no one’s barfing
  • has race parts?  WTF?

What the fuck was 8 Barrel thinking, trading a Mustang GT for this.  Oh wait.  Kids.  It could have been worse.  It could have been a Ford Tempo.

ACID FLASHBACK THURSDAY: 1965 Chevrolet Biscayne

1965 Chevrolet Biscayne
I swear it’s not a social call.* And no, I did not park in the back to go unseen by cops or coworkers.

November 1979 – death becomes her

The best things:

  • cost $75
  • roll down rear windows
  • could remove ignition key while the car was running (handy when fighting over who got to use it next)
  • straight 6 tractor motor that would run forever

The worst things:

  • everything else
  • manual steering.  Even more fun with a broken idler arm, making it a Fox News car (always pulling right)
  • straight 6 tractor motor that had about 90 hp
  • everything was 5 minutes from failure – paint turning to dust.  window cranks spontaneously breaking. Starter motor roulette.

Its colossal failures did lead to the acquisition of the Fury, so it’s got that going for it, which is good.

*The building in the background is the famous Downtowner motel, across the street from the BK Lounge.

1977 Mercury Monarch

1977 Mercury Monarch
Is that a Mercedes? Uh, no.

What the hell was wrong with us in the 70s?

  • Ford Falcon chassis (basically) – is this what the Mustang would have become, if it didn’t turn into a Pinto?
  • 250 OHV I-6 from a John Deere
  • It had a 4 speed stick (unless it was a 3)
  • Was unable to handle golf balls from, uh, space, without dimpling its trunk.